The Steadfast Love of the Lord

[[I thought I should continue where I had left off my last blog. To understand this post better, you may want to read my Tuesday, April 14th post from my Oxford blog.]]

It is because of the Lord's mercy and loving-kindness that we are not consumed, because His [tender] compassions fail not. They are new every morning; great and abundant is Your stability and faithfulness. The Lord is my portion or share, says my living being (my inner self); therefore will I hope in Him and wait expectantly for Him. Lamentations 3:22-24 (AMP)

Last Sunday I totally got what God has been trying to tell me this whole semester: it's all about Him. No matter what happens with my social world, everything I do - everything in which I invest my time, money, emotions, energy - is supposed to be for His glory.

Soon after I returned home from Oxford, I began to wonder if it had been a mistake. Why was I having so much trouble with life back at home? Then, once I got back to ACU, it got worse. I didn't know how to do these old friendships and I didn't know where my new ones were going. I have made several amazing friends through my Oxford experience, both from ACU and from Oxford. I have become indescribably grateful for my roommate, Rebekah. She is beautiful, compassionate, faithful, fun, encouraging, and an awesome woman of God. I love her to death and she is one channel through which God has changed me this semester.

Here's the revelation: I have been overlooking the blessing that Oxford was. Simple as that. It's like He's put this amazing experience into my hands and I'm just shoving it away. I've been overlooking how God has worked through me and in me, and it's only hitting me now. He has always been with me throughout the whole experience, and I've been learning of His heart, and I know that He is relational and created us to be relational, and He wouldn't want us to be in any sort of unrest because of our relationships. What I've been seeking for myself in my old friends has been nothing to fill this void; He is it. No matter who my friends are, He is the greatest one of all. Of course I treasure my friends, but He turned my world upside down when I went to the other side of it. I'm finally accepting this change. I embrace the changes He's done in me and will use them to worship Him. No turning back -- I've changed, and this DOES NOT mean that I just had a fleeting experience. I feel like He's grown me so much just in these past few days with this knowledge and realization.

Acceptance is a strange thing. I've accepted God's grace and mercy and Jesus' love, but for some reason, I've been blocking out this blessing that last semester was and not letting God work through it. I've been working against it. I've been agonizing over the changes, which is why it was so hard. I wasn't opening my eyes to see how He was at work, and I most definitely was resisting growth by trying to turn around backwards and force things into how they used to be. The truth, though, is that I'm different than I was last year and all my old friends are different than they were last year, and that's okay. God has grown us. He's telling me now to let it out.

Even so, I do count my friends as some of my greatest blessings. I love hanging out with my close ACU-Oxford friends and wouldn't trade them or our experiences together for anything. I'm also realizing that I didn't only make friends in Oxford with the group I went with, but I also formed relationships through God's work with those in Oxford: my friends from St. Aldate's. I knew that, but it's only lately that I've been connecting with them more, and coming to fully realize how grateful I am for them. I'm also beginning to appreciate the Internet as connector of people across the globe. ;)

God was telling me on Sunday, "I love you. I've blessed you with experiences and friendships that mean so much more than you have acknowledged. And it's all because of Me, and it's all for Me."

I am so grateful. Thank You, Jesus.

[[I am reminded of the song "For Good" from the musical Wicked. Here is the part that comes to mind:]]

I've heard it said 

That people come into our lives for a reason 

Bringing something we must learn 

And we are led 

To those who help us most to grow 

If we let them 

And we help them in return 

Well, I don't know if I believe that's true 

But I know I'm who I am today 

Because I knew you... 

Like a comet pulled from orbit 

As it passes a sun 

Like a stream that meets a boulder 

Halfway through the wood 

Who can say if I've been changed for the better? 

But because I knew you 

I have been changed for good