Confession

The Christmas season has hit Oxford hard, and along with it, all these feelings of home. I associate Christmas with home, and this time around, with the city streets decked out in lights, I'm realizing that home to me is wherever loved ones are. I have friends in Oxford, even though they don't live in Oxford; I have friends in Abilene, even though they don't live in Abilene; I have friends in Escondido. I'm really very grateful for anyone who has ever been my friend, because I don't deserve it. Today I had a breakdown and my heart started beating really fast and I thought I was going to throw up in the middle of class (so I just got up and left) because I was thinking about leaving another set of friends I just made in another city (yet again). I seem to always make friends in places where I have to up and leave. Why??? It is so frustrating. Why do I keep making friends, if only to leave them? Then I got to thinking how I make friends and then expect something from them, and that's not how I want to be a friend to anyone else. I realized that I haven't, for a very long time, looked at someone and wanted to truly bless them with no regard to myself. I've been very selfish this semester and I'm sorry for those I've hurt. I love you in my mind but I want to love you with my heart and my life. Please forgive me.